no more the outcast.

One week, three hours, twenty two minutes ago I gave up smoking. I refuse to touch another ciggy. Never again will the sweet smooth smoke, slide down my throat and fill my lungs. It's been fun, but now it's time for us both to move on. I'll be spending the next week getting rid of that horrible smell of stale smoke from my favourite recliner (who would have thought none smokers were right about the smell. Go figure.), and my ex best friend. Sweet Mayfair lights will be moving out. Fair thee well lads.

Why is it the fun things in life kill you. Cigs, cake, pie, chocolate, beer are all killers in there own right, so why are they all so good? The bitch of it is, that Because my taste buds are kicking back in, three of this dirty five are being much enjoyed. A little too much. So now it's time to get on the wii fit board and burn some pie. Run fat boy run!

NEDS!!!

Let me introduce you to the famous Glasgow Ned. A scourge on society. Kind of like a wasp.

Staying in the east end of Glasgow, I get to encounter them quite a bit. Notice the bottles they have. This is called buckfast. It is a fuel for the disadvantaged. A secret elixir for the weak of mind. Fighting juice for the living dead. I have partaken in buckfast abuse many times myself. I spilled some on my shirt once. Three hours later there was a hole I could fit two fingers through. Imagine what it does to the lining of your stomach.

I had the privilege of fighting with three Ned's a couple of weeks ago. I was heading for the town centre when I came across a young boy of 12/13 being stood on by a couple of Ned's. I , being very civil minded and heroic, said to the Ned's "let the wee guy go". If I was thinking correctly it should have sounded like this "Hey guys. please stop jumping on the kids head and start jumping on mine". They let the kid go and started in on me. I'm 35 years of age. Had I been 25, maybe I could have kicked there shell suited arse's but alas, the best I could manage was to drag one of them with me as I was hitting the ground. So. There I was lying on the ground trying to lever myself up using the smelly Ned (He might have shat himself. It certainly smelled like it.), when to my amazement the young kid who was being stood on, started kicking at my head! The little bastard! I managed to grab him, and using him and smelly Ned, levered myself up while being kicked at by Hopper Ned. (I called him Hopper because he kept his distance for most of the fight, hopping forward on occasions to levy a boot in my direction.) Having got back on my feet I started swinging wildly. If you've ever been in a fight then you will no that speed is half the battle. My hands were flailing about trying to connect with the Ned's when suddenly they broke off there attack and RAN!
The little shite bags ran away from me. I was on cloud nine. That night at the pub I regaled the tale to my friends, making it sound like an episode of Lee Van Clieff's The Master.

The lesson I took from this was to avoid helping kids from being beat up. A shitty lesson I grant you, but that seems to be the way of the world nowadays. Help someone. Get shat upon from a great height.

I'm all for freedom of religion but....

A postcard featuring a cute puppy sitting in a policeman's hat advertising a Scottish police force's new telephone number has sparked outrage from Muslims.
Tayside Police's new non-emergency phone number has prompted complaints from members of the Islamic community.
The choice of image on the Tayside Police cards - a black dog sitting in a police officer's hat - has now been raised with Chief Constable John Vine.

Tayside Police caused uproar in the Muslim community after they released this advertisement featuring police puppy Rebel sitting in a hat
The advert has upset Muslims because dogs are considered ritually unclean and has sparked such anger that some shopkeepers in Dundee have refused to display the advert.
Dundee councillor Mohammed Asif said: 'My concern was that it's not welcomed by all communities, with the dog on the cards.
'It was probably a waste of resources going to these communities.
'They (the police) should have understood. Since then, the police have explained that it was an oversight on their part, and that if they'd seen it was going to cause upset they wouldn't have done it.'
Councillor Asif, who is a member of the Tayside Joint Police Board, said that the force had a diversity adviser and was generally very aware of such issues.
He raised the matter with Mr Vine at a meeting of the board.

Tayside Police Chief Constable John Vine said the advert was not intended to cause any offence
The chief constable said he was unaware of the concerns and that the force had not sought to cause any upset but added he would look into the matter.
Councillor Asif said: 'People who have shops just won't put up the postcard. But the police have said to me that it was simply an oversight and they did not seek to offend or upset.'
Cards featuring police dog-in-training Rebel have been distributed to communities throughout the area to advertise the single number point of contact for non-emergency calls to the police.
Rebel has proved a popular recruit for Tayside Police after coming through the very first Lothian and Borders Police dog-breeding programme in February.
One of seven German Shepherd pups born in early December, he has now completed his course of inoculations, and is free to venture out onto the streets of Tayside.
A spokesman for Tayside Police said: 'Trainee police dog Rebel has proved extremely popular with children and adults since being introduced to the public, aged six weeks old, as Tayside Police's newest canine recruit.
'His incredible world-wide popularity - he has attracted record visitor numbers to our website - led us to believe Rebel could play a starring role in the promotion of our non-emergency number.
'We did not seek advice from the force's diversity adviser prior to publishing and distributing the postcards. That was an oversight and we apologise for any offence caused.'

There was also an incident in England. An elderly woman who's fetish for collecting pig ornaments, was ordered by the local council to remove them from her window sill or she would be served with an anti-social behaviour order. United Kingdom indeed.

Oh my god. It's a picture of me before the long hair and beardo period. I look like am 16 again! am the guy with the white tie in his pocket. man, I really hate ties. Hence it ended up in the pocket after 3 pints.

Shona(my girl) looks like she's got five chins! wait till I show her. she will be raging! Tee of the Hee!!