An Ode To Almost

I’d like to dedicate a post to almost. A post to the word, that haunts us all from time to time. It’s all the things we meant to do, it’s all the things we’re glad we didn’t do. Let’s put almost into Google and see what we come up with:

Almost is a term in mathematics (especially in set theory) used to mean all the elements except for finitely many.

Eh? Erm thanks, Wikipedia.

Let’s try again

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English ealmoest, from eall + moest
Date: before 12th century

That’s better! Ye old Middle English. You can’t beat it. In fact, can you imagine how the word came about back then? Two guys having a duel, maybe? One says to the other ‘Ye gads man, ye ealmoest had my eye out with that!’ or maybe it was a pig farmers wife, chastising him? ‘When it rainith last night, ye ealmoest got a wash, smellyith!’

However the word came about, it has been used many times to express the near misses that we lament, or the lucky escapes from which we’re thankful for. So, today as a mark of respect to ‘ealmoest’, I’m doing a list. That’s right, a list. Who doesn’t like lists? I think they’re a bit like ice-cream. There’s always room for a good list, and there’s always room for ice-cream……especially Ben & Jerry’s.
So here’s my list of ealmoests:

1. I almost got married a couple of times.
2. I almost died a couple of times.
3. I can almost play the guitar.
4. I can almost play the harmonica.
5. I almost met Springsteen.
6. I almost know everything there is to know about metal cladding screws.
7. I almost hung myself when I found out I know too much about metal cladding screws.
8. I almost became a professional boxer.
9. I almost never went out on the night I met my Shoney.
10. I almost kept hanging out with rich shallow people, because I liked the lifestyle.
11. I almost burned down my flat.
12. I almost never started a blog.
13. I almost…..Ah, sod it. Let’s stop with the list making. Lists truly suck. I mean, I could go on like this all day, and it’s starting to smell like regret. And regret is for those that deserve it. Yeah, I retract my previous statement about lists. Lists are the devils work, and not at all like ice-cream. Meh!

Anyway, to almost, my word of the day. Six letters that carry a lifetime of missed opportunity and lucky escapes.

And please, feel free to grab your hairbrush, jump in front of a mirror and mime to the tune that inspired this post. As you-tube have cancelled all the proper music videos, I give to you the music styling’s of a stick man who 'almost had you'.