Mucho greetings, fellow bloggers. It’s back to the grindstone after a quality weekend. Let’s all sigh together, *sigh*
I was over in Amsterdam for the Scotland game with a couple of mates, for the weekend. I never expected Scotland to actually win the game, I never do, what I expected was a good laugh, and to enjoy another glorious defeat. I wasn’t disappointed. Scotland, yet again, lost against the Dutch. At least it wasn’t as bad as our last 6-0 defeat, yeah, we halved that goal difference. 3-0. Take that Holland! Give us a few years, and it might go down to 2-0. You just wait!
Anyway, let’s steer away from the football chat; I wouldn’t want you to start drooling on your keyboards. At some point, I want to do a post about my first true love, Celtic football Club. Oooo, I shudder at the pages of guff I could write about Celtic. I’m a bit of a football geek. Ok, ok, maybe that’s like calling the Pope, a bit of a Catholic, but it’s not like a twenty-four hour obsession, I usually sleep as well.
Where was I, yes, the Dam. If you’ve ever been to Amsterdam before, you’ll know that the best way to get about everywhere is by bike. On this occasion, I never hired a bike. I was wearing my kilt, and biking isn’t very comfortable when you have a kilt on. If you’re doing any great speed, you end up with the genitalia of a two year old. Not the best look to have when a lady person whips your kilt round your head.
And while I’m touching o that subject, what’s that about? What’s with woman, who’ve had a bit of a drink, thinking it’s ok to run by you and flick up your kilt? If I did that, I’d be looking at ten years in jail, and my name to be on some sort of list!
I don’t wear my kilt all the time, only Scotland games and weddings. This is the reason why. Constant drive by sex attacks could be the death of the kilt.
So, Amsterdam. When I go, I always like to stay in the same hotel. I’m weird like that. Everywhere I go, if I’ve been there before, I’ll stay in either the same hotel, or the same area. My favourite hotel in Amsterdam, is the Amsterdam Art. It’s about five minutes to the city centre by car or bike, and about half an hour if you walk down by the canals. If you’re ever in Amsterdam, and you go by a hotel with a painted cow out front, that’s the very hotel. Very clean, nice art inside, and very good rates, 45 euros a night. And, with mostly all the tourists going to the city centre hotels, there are usually rooms available. Their clientele are in the bigger part, business types.
We landed at half twelve, booked into the hotel, dumped our bags and headed for the pub. As we didn’t actually have a ticket for the game, we needed to scout out a pub with some quality TV coverage, and a friendly crowd of like-minded supporters. I suggested a pub that I’d been in before, I cannot remember the name of it for the life of me, but it’s opposite the Banana Bar, in the red light district.
Ok, by now you’re starting to wonder if I got myself a hooker sandwich at the weekend. What was I doing in the red light district? Was it fun? How much was it? Did I? How many?
Well I’ll tell ya, it’s the best place to go in Amsterdam. It’s also the safest place. You see, there is next to no trouble at night in the RLD. If there is, it’s dealt with at great speed by the police, or the many bouncers employed by the local businesses.
The bar I was talking about is full of suits of armour and rock memorabilia. Every time I’ve been in it, the same guy has served me behind the bar. He’s the owner/barman/DJ, and I’ve had some cracking chats about Jim Morrison with him. Seriously, have a pint in this place if you’re ever in Amsterdam.
The red light district itself, is a fascinating place. I’d go as far as to say it’s one of the most bizarre places in the world. Firstly, you think it’s funny. You’ll see a huge amount of guys and couples walking up and down, window-shopping. Some are there for obvious reasons; some are there to glare at the woman. Then, you might be approached by one of the multitude of Nigerian blokes who want to sell you a bunch of drugs. My best advice if one of these guys approaches you, is to tell him you’ve got something already and move on, quickly.
The windows are obviously the biggest attraction. If you go up to the top of the main street, you’ll find the Nigerian ladies, and at the bottom, you’ll find all manner of strange shaped women, from small ladies to extremely large ladies. If you have a fetish, Amsterdam is your place.
You can’t help but wonder what happened to these girls to get them into this line of work, and if the laws are only relaxed due to police simply not being able to deal with the problems at hand. It does seem they’ve taken a ‘If you can’t beat em, join em’ view on things. I don’t know about you, but knowing that these girls have potentially been introduced into the sex trade as children, or the fact they’re maybe doing it to feed a habit, kind of ruins the moment for me.
When you get by the initial titillation and fascination of the red light district, you see it’s darker side. Eventually, you’ll notice the fake smiles on the prostitutes faces in the windows, the micro gesture of lust and disgust on the faces of the potential clients, and the paranoia pouring off people who got, just a little too high. I would highly recommend exploring this part of Amsterdam, if you’re ever in the city. As I’ve said, the pubs are quality and you have to experience the rest to believe it. Really. Just remember to leave your camera at home. You could end up in concrete boots for taking a harmless photo.
Maybe later on I’ll get all gushy about the Van Gogh and Ann Frank museums, and the markets, but for now, I want to see what the rest of you have been doing. I already know about Joe, and his magical clock. A truly quality bit of work, and highly deserved for such a brilliant book. But, I hope the rest of you have been misbehaving! I even noticed Matt has posted! That makes me the poor blogging cousin, eh? Damn.
Anyway, while I was in the pub in Amsterdam, I heard this song and it has stuck in my head all weekend. Probably very poignant, I’ll let you be the judge.
About Me
- marky
- I live in a Pigeon loft in Glasgow. I fight dogs for food and mug cows for drink. Monkeys live in my beard. I have lived for centuries under my bed and only came out when they invented peanut m&m's. I understand everything.
7 comments:
Ah, Pearl Jam. Doesn't Eddie Vedder's voice just make you melt (in a completely respectful way)? So you don't bring the camera to the RLD, eh?
Glad you enjoyed your trip to Amsterdam, friend. Glad you've returned safe.
Cheers, Logan. Eddie's voice is pure silk, with a touch of rockin growl. The mark of a great rock voice.
I’m always safe, dude. No drugs and no loose women, make Marky a safe house for beer to lodge!
Hmmm...just HOW much to you love to talk/write about Celtic football club eh? How much? DO tell.
Lucky duck for living close enough to Amsterdam for a weekender. Yes, that is envy you are reading. Also, thanks for the information about kilt flicking. I've never had the slightest inclination to flick up some man's kilt especially in Amsterdam and in the RLD! How do you fend off the tipsy misses?
Okay, back to the grindstone. "Sigh."
That clock is so damn magical.
Heh, with the painted cow out front? Sounds terrific, mate, as does the pub and the pint.
My first thought when you said you get approached by Nigerian blokes selling their wares, was that those same blokes come through my airport and swear blind they've never touched a drug, especially when the sniffer dog is foaming at the mouth.
Fun times, fun times. Amsterdam would be a terrific weekend getaway. Down here we jump into Indonesia, Singapore, Thailand... for a few days at a time. Beer is dirt cheap and possession of drugs carries a death penalty. Hooray!
Sedulo, I could talk the hind legs of a donkey about the glorious, Glasgow Celtic. You will see! Yup, I do feel lucky being close to some cool countries, but as always, what's near you isn't as appealing as those cool far away places. I would love to visit Australia and New Zealand, and your beautiful country as well, Especially Yellowstone Park.
The best way to fend off tipsy kilt lifters is to wear underwear. However, this could have you thrown out of Scotland, and you're family and friends shamed on national TV! It's not worth it, so you have to grin and bare it, if you pardon the pun.
Joe, Indonesia, Singapore and Thailand sound pretty good to me! All that sun and oriental food. I believe Singapore is very clean as well. Do they not have some sort of law that you can be jailed for dropping chewing gum on the street? Now that's a good environmental policy!
And the clock is very magical; almost like Titus Crow's clock of dreams,...It’s a Brian Lumley novel. Philistines!
Sounds like Amsterdam is a happenin' place. You'd think, having been in the Navy 'n all, that I'd seen enough different cultures to make your head spin. I've been to a few interesting places, but nothing that would qualify me as a world traveler. I did one deployment in my ten years, and in the span of four months I hit Palma, Crete, Marmaris, Naples, Rome, Vatican City, and Dubai. I went to Canada once as a kid, and I've been to St Lucia and Jamaica on vacation with my wife, but never any adventurous traveling. Maybe some day!
Matt, one day I hope to make it out of Europe on holiday!
You are a regular Phileas Fog, compared to me!
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